Tuesday, December 18, 2007

har har har

my pirate’s holiday solstice cheer . . .

Because, you know, I wouldn’t want to offend any sensitive person out there who happened to read this post - but now that I think about it - I probably just irritated the hell out of some pirates . . .

. . . can’t win I guess.

So let’s see,

- out with Santa’s knees (not with a two by four, more like no more sitting on them),

- out with Christmas trees named Douglas,

- out with presence (you should perform exorcism at least three times a week - it's good for you)

- out with wishing people nasty things like, (I wish you would go &^$% yourself, or I wish you would drop dead - or the absolute worst verbal offense EVER - I wish you a Merry Christmas.)

- out with all beliefs in Devine Beings (Christ was just some guy, Buddha was just some guy but fatter, Zeta Reticulans are aliens so not guys, that other guy was just some guy, and Guy is pronounced “gee” so is not some ‘guy’ but rather some ‘gee’ so is disqualified from this list.)

- out with Christmas cake (I think this one just plain speaks for itself - shudder)

. . . that about covers it, but I will self-flagellate for a while in case I offended anybody just to be safe. See, I am suffering for you . . . Oh no, that will likely lead to no good . . .

So, if you celebrate - or not - have a happy Har Har Har, even though now is just some non-significant time of year which happens to maybe, or maybe not, coincide with events that may, or may not, be called magic thighs . . . or something . . .

Oh, and I’m taking this month off writing to, um, not-celebrate or wish people anything . . .

What? Oh, that lit up thing just inside the house in front of the window is - er, it’s a school project about electrical safety and pretty lights . . .

Oh, and those colourful boxes and bags underneath, are, um, exercises in visual stimulation to help cortical corneal development for our, um, rats . . . yeah, that’s it . . .

Now, no more questions please, the stress of conforming to the lowest common denominator and appeasing the sensitivities of the entirety of humanities beliefs is taking its toll . .

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