Monday, May 07, 2007

And all the men and women merely plagues

Three words to describe my life over the last two and a half weeks.




Holy cow batgirl, no more flesh for me - please!

Yes, visits from my folks mean several species grow that much closer to extinction. And I, the dutiful son, must play along in this ritual of carnage or take excessive amounts of abuse.

I know, I know.

Nobody shovels the food into my mouth except me. But years of training has me still eating masses of seared flesh when all I really want to do is sing . . . er, eat some steamed veggies.

Well, for the next month (or three) I’m going to do just that. It won’t be totally flesh free, but it will be far far far far (can’t exaggerate enough on this point) less than the last while.

And, how does one digest such quantities of hormones, antibacterials and protein?

Well, you get a game that raises your heartbeat and blood pressure to de-stress from long days of muscle munching.

Need for Speed: Most Wanted.

Okay, go ahead and laugh. But I have a tricked out Cobalt SS - Lime Green with a dragon motif, supercharged racing engine, Kona racing rims, hood scoop and of course for those high speed races from the cops - Nitrous Oxide boost!

Can’t you just see me oozing attitude in a baseball cap with a “Suck your Mother” tattoo on my shifting arm?

Er, see what I have become - I am so ashamed.

Actually the game is fun if you like arcade style race-from-the-cops games. The early cops are dumb and you could outrun them on foot, but later in the game, in come the state troopers, helicopters and trucks made to ram you off the road. Oh, and the unmarked cars and corvette units are just plain nasty.

I’m afraid my little Cobalt SS wouldn’t stand a chance there. So the key is to win races and money and move up the cops most wanted list to unlock better cars and car upgrades.

Once I have a fully upgraded Mustang GT - well, look out.

And one fun feature is a destructible environment. You can knock down signs, crash through fences, even take a spin across the golf course - all while cops are in hot pursuit. There are several structures that can be used to stop or disable cop cars too.

Let's see - you can knock out the water tower’s support legs and have it come crashing down. There is a giant donut (ala the Simpsons) you can knock down too and if you are feeling really evil you can crash through the gas station's pumps and blow the whole thing sky high . . .

Er, you see what eating too much meat does to you kids.

Stop it, stop it while you still have the chance.

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