Tim Horton coffee secret revealed

What you are about to read is a Twisted Mind Emporium exclusive.

It is the truth. It was out there, and I found it!

It is something the Canadian public has a right to know.

If you know Tim Horton coffee at all, you know there is something not-quite-ordinary about it. It has a very distinct flavour, but you just can’t put your finger (or taste buds) on it.

Until now.

I know what it is.

I know why it tastes the way it does.

And I’m going to tell you.

But before I do I must say a few words about marketing. Tim Horton does a fabulous job in this department. They convince you to pay exorbitant prices for their can of Tim Horton coffee. And you do so, eagerly, thinking you will enjoy the same taste you get at their store outlets.

And you bring it home, and dig in, and it isn’t the same as the coffee you buy at the outlet at all . . .

. . . and you wonder what you did wrong in preparing it.

And, like a true Canadian, you most likely blame yourself. You must have done something to screw up the taste, right?

But that is exactly what they want you to believe. They want you to keep coming back to their store outlets.

Then, Tim comes out with a special coffee machine, and you snap that up convinced that it must be the process as well as the beans. Mystery solved.

And again you are deceived. That taste is not duplicated at home, even with the special machine.

They want you to keep buying the cans and machines and keep trying. But, it will do you no good without the secret.

So, you ask yourself - what the hell is going on then if it’s not the maker, or the beans?

What is it at the outlet which has you craving that particular taste then? It must be the water then, right – am I right?

Alas no, that is not the case. Water is essentially H2O, so you try again to figure it out. You mind spins wild fantasies, you search for the answer . . .

Maybe the beans are hand picked by virgins under a full moon, then slow roasted in clay kilns for six days in Morroco?

Maybe you need to pass superheated steam across the beans at just the right temperature, then, and only then, will that special flavour come through. But wasn’t that what the Tim Horton coffee maker was supposed to do for you?

And you wonder again, and you wonder back to the outlet to get that craving fulfilled, just as they planned it.

Little do you know how easy it is to duplicate that taste at home without expensive cans of coffee, without special brewing machines, without costing you much money at all.

But Tim doesn’t want you to know, because they are a business, and they have a product you crave, one you can’t reproduce, one you almost need like oxygen or sex.

Well, that is about to end soon.

But, I must be fair to this huge conglomerate. They have worked hard to create a formula for coffee which is second to none. And what I am about to do I do for selfish reasons though most of the proceeds will go to charity I assure you.

I am giving Tim one day to pay me off and keep my lips sealed and their secret safe.

If you don’t see a post from me tomorrow, then you will know I have been silenced and a charity will benefit.

If you see a post tomorrow, then that post will be the secret ingredient in Tim Horton coffee.

Sometimes the little guys win.

But more often than not, they just end up gone.

So tune in tomorrow when I let you know, if I’m not bought off, that the secret ingredient is . . . RIGHT HERE