Wednesday, January 11, 2006

oatmeal for the cookie mill

Cooookies! I can still see the Cookie Monster bellowing out that line ever time he spotted a plate of cookies.

I do pretty much the same thing, but I eat them a little more carefully than he ever did. Not going to comment on quantity though. Ahem.

So, over the past several weeks, I have been searching for the perfect homemade oatmeal cookie. I must define “perfect” though to avoid hate mail or confusion.

Perfect to me (as far as oatmeal cookies go) is defined as chewy, low-fat, low sugar, tons-o-oatmeal and easy to make cookie. And I think I’m getting darn close to the best formula.

Now I don’t have the recipe right here before me, so I will go by memory. (for you conspiracy theorists – I’m misleading you, mixing up ingredients and quantities. I smoke too (herbal cigarettes) and hang around the back of FBI offices looking menacing when called upon to do so)

So what have I found so far? Well, first, you don’t need more than ½ cup of butter for three dozen cookies. Any more is pushing the low-fat envelope to bursting. Next, use the egg whites only. Yokes go into the compost in the hopes that they will help grow crops for the needy – or at least produce some methane gas to help alleviate the energy crisis we are told we are in.

Next, you must have at least a 1 to 1 ration of oatmeal vs. flour. I have been using a 3 to 2 oatmeal vs. flour ratio and found this works well. I may try to up the oatmeal content, but may be pushing that envelope to.

- Side note -

Oh, one small side note here. These cookies are “healthful” not “healthy”. You see, healthful means they are good for your health. Healthy means the cookie itself is healthy. See the distinction? If you do, you are one of a very small handful of human beings able to distinguish this. Then again, these “healthful” cookies are not for the masses.

The masses consume store bought toxic cookies loaded with every vile ingredient mother nature abhors. And, those are not “healthy” cookies either, despite the green checkmarks and/or other foolish marketing schemes on the package - like well trimmed supermodel aerobic women. They have probably never eaten a cookie in their lives.

- End side note –

So, next we talk sugar. It has to be brown, not white refined. Brown is better - believe me.

I think I’ve about covered it (leaving out the how-to and key measurements – conspiracy theorists fuel – have at it)

And what is the end result of my experimentation. A “healthful” oatmeal cookie reaching perfection – for me anyhow. It is chewy, low-fat, low sugar and stuffed with great tasting oatmeal. Oh, and I forgot, easy to make as well.

And yummy!

That’s funny. A black Limo just pulled into my driveway. Now, I wonder what they could want . . .

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