Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Musings: K.M.A.


It was not a sunny day, nor a rainy day, but a day much like any other day inside the big walls of corporate cubicle hell.

But something made this otherwise ordinary day extraordinary. A certain unnamed individual (manager of course) decided to take it upon himself to piss me off.

Manager: One who appears to know what he is doing on the surface, can bullshit like a politician, dress like GQ and impress other lower life forms with equal savvy, make good use of supple lips and flexible knees for under-the-desk discussions with those above him on the corporate ladder, but otherwise dumb as a stick, vindictive, short-sighted and about as useful as tits on a bull.

Oh, I forgot. This post may contain swear words and appear like venting. But, as you already know me, I am mostly making with the fun . . . (yes that is steam rising from my shirt collar)

So, unnamed manager runs to his boss and, after a quick under-the-desk supple lip exercise, informs (like the greasy, weasel-like, cowardly informant that he is) that myself and another are spending too much time on breaks. Yes, the sky is falling. Does this remind anyone of a Kindergarten playground yet, with the exception of under-the-desk exercises, except maybe to innocently find a dropped pencil or eraser?

Now after being informed by my own boss (yes shit and other materials do tend to run downhill) that we are being watched by said useless weasel piece of shit (trying to be objective here - am I succeeding?) my day took on a totally knew meaning and the light I knew to be turned on somewhere deep down in my soul actually started to shine through again like it hadn’t since I started in cubicle hell.

Now we were told by our manager (see description of manager above if you happened to have missed it) not to worry about it. Yeah, don’t worry about it. No sweat, I’ll just forget all about the fact that some overpaid useless ladder-climbing asshole suck-up money-draining weasel bastard is riding my ass for his own pleasure . . .

Then it dawned on me. Yes, it all became clear to me. My shining soul, banished in darkness for almost two decades finally tunneled through to the surface and bitch slapped me upside the head. The true meaning of Christmas . . . No, that’s not it.

My soul can be facetious, but that’s why I like it.

No actually it informed me of the meaning of life. And I adopted a whole new acronym for my existence outside and inside cubicle hell.

K.M.A.

Simple as that. Three little words that will carry me through and make good my ultimate escape from cubicle hell and into something I love to do. And those three words for outside corporate cubicle hell are . . .

Keep. Moving. Ahead.

And inside corporate cubicle hell. I think if I tell you the first word is Kiss, you can puzzle out the rest.

And to be fair to the little shithead manager, he did have one use - to bring me to the realization that I will no longer waste my life and imprison my soul doing something I hate. But, since he didn’t know he helped, he is still a useless corporate weasel piece of shit.

I feel so much better now . . .
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