Sunday, July 31, 2005

Musings: Too Much Stuffing

Now, if you are like me and have a young girl as your offspring you know why so many companies can spew out millions of tons of stuffed animals and remain in business.

I say to those wanting to buy presents (oh, lord how little girls get presents) if you want to buy something for them - try bonds or an RESP contribution please - or even cash. Cash is good. Yes, future dollars towards education is a worthy gift and so much more environmentally sound - and it doesn’t clutter up the house with stuffing.

And if you think I am exaggerating let me tell you a little story.

A few years back (two or three) my wife and I went on a tear to clean up the overabundance of stuffed items my daughter had received since birth - (and actually months before as well). After an hour of sorting and searching (kids can stuff stuffed toys in the strangest of places) we had six garbage bags stuffed with stuffed toys.

Yes, six garbage bags.

And I have no idea of the actual number but it was in the many dozens. They all went to other needy children via goodwill and diabetes pickups, so were not wasted (stuffed in the landfill), but why the cultural need to spawn so damn many of them? Oh I forgot - inexpensive to make in China and large profit margins...

Oh, and teddy bears. Guess how many of those alone? Well, let me tell you. She had a grand total of 25 bears. TWENTY FIVE. And do you know how many mom and dad bought her? The answer to that is - two. So, it meant we had received, over the course of three short years, twenty three stuffed items in the form of bears alone.

And don’t get me started on pigs, dogs and cows. Yes she even had seven cows.

Seven stuffed cows.

Seven. Cows.

Blows my mind.

I’m not altogether against stuffed animals. She uses them to read to, play with and even directs them in the finer details of "playing nicely" with each other. I myself even have a stuffed (actually referred to as "plush") Cthulhu - but I mean it’s Cthulhu. And I can assure you, Cthulhu is not a bear.

So, if you are thinking of something to buy your niece, friend’s daughter, little girl of any sort anywhere on Earth - please consider not buying her a stuffed animal.

Even toys that take batteries are preferable...

Did I just say that?


Friday, July 29, 2005

Musings: Schedule Schmedule and Downhill Skiing

Okay, this post officially marks my return… kind of like a dog marking a tree, only much less gross and with less ground scratching afterwards – I hope.

I’m actually on schedule today for a Musings post, but if you check my post schedule I’ve been screwing that over pretty good this past week. Creativity, and my long vacation this year, has brought ruin to my carefully crafted post schedule.

It will return to regularity next Wednesday Aug 3rd (I’ve given it plenty of Metamucil and prune juice), and I feel until that time I have days to mess about doing anything I want…

It is my blog after all. Well, free cyber-space for me to play around in actually.

Hell, it’s your blog too, if you are bothering to read this.

This year my offspring is going to start downhill skiing. Wasn’t she in diapers only a few years ago? Yikes! Anyhow, I have the opportunity to go out with her and ski. And yes, I am past my skiing prime, but up for the challenge – I think.

Once upon a time (wait a second while I put in my false teeth and check my depends) I was a Canadian ski patrol. Yes, me. Cruising the slopes in my brown jacket, yellow cross markings against the maple leaf, first aid belt fastened around my waist and occasionally behind me - the toboggan for the potentially injured. I was in great shape, could ski like nobodies business, and now – decades later – I am looking towards the white hills again.

And, the biggest laugh of all. I still have my old equipment, even though several museums have offered me money to display the stuff. Decades are a long time. And I’m kind of worried about it. I mean, what if I fall and damage something? Look foolish. Plain suck!

But, as a dad, I don’t really need to worry about all that anymore now do I. I may rent some newer equipment though, just so the kids don’t laugh too hard. And when I fall down, I’ll pretend it was intentional. Yeah, that’s it.

It should be a blast of fun. And I have the perfect excuse to stay on the baby hills and learn how to ski all over again – my offspring.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Musings: Mini Size Me

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not “that” old, but I checked the scales a few weeks back and was not impressed to find that my slim, muscular, he-man god-like toned body had put on an extra 35 pounds compared to what I used to weigh back in high school – and I’m not talking from the neck up or any personal body “enchancements” either. It is pure fat…

I was dismayed - but not defeated. It was time for a change of food choices and exercise routines, and I found a lot of good information here at this Site.

So, despite my Canadian heritage I’ve managed to curb my enthusiasm and consumption of back bacon, donuts and extra gravy on my poutine…

Not a fun choice - but the healthy one.

And I’ve begun to exercise more frequently as well. And not elbow bends with twelve ounce liquids weights either. I’m feeling better already and to date have shed almost five pounds…

That’s like twenty quarter pounders with cheese!

And as a writer – I can’t help but write and so that’s why this post is up. I’m dreaming up a fiction piece right now and will display it in the next few weeks once it spills forth from my twisted mind. I’m excited to find out what happens when Picard and Willow finally come face to face...

If I get it finished by next Wednesday it will be posted here then. So, I’ll shift my bulk now and try to make it so…

Until August 3rd.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Musings: The Greener Grass

Well, you would think the grass would be greener -

But the darn weather is not cooperating. It is completely brown now. I can’t tell the neighbor’s dog turds apart from the dead grass and parched lumpy soil. It’s so dry, I expect to see gazelles bounding across it soon. Why just the other day I thought I saw a Bushman of the Kalahari, but it turned out the be the very tanned gas meter guy in shorts and no shirt. I offered him a coke bottle, but he refused …

I hate lawn grass anyhow.

Maybe I should get some Astroturf. Or gravel. Or dig a moat around my house to keep out solicitors …

Wonder if alligators are legal to keep on my property?

Oh, I forgot. Not supposed to post until August 3rd with a new story.

Ummm – guess I better get working on that.

Until the third!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Musings: An Unscheduled Interlude

I couldn't resist posting - plus I like the word interlude...

Been on vacation for three weeks and I seem to have turned into a five toed sloth - complete with tree climbing and leaf munching capabilities. But, as promised below (my last post) I will be back in action August 3rd with a new posted story. Ooohhh - getting all tingly? Is tingly a word?

And while I was away, my favourite actress was and is really smoking (okay, bad inside joke for those at AHAS) with two major projects on the go - a movie and a fall TV show. Go Girl, Go! This is exciting news for sure.

Well back to my last week of blissful nothingness. But, if you are a believer in the vacuum theory, (not talking sucking up dust bunnies from under the couch with your Hoover), then I hope to return like a big bang on August 3rd.

Until then, keep your kids out of trouble, your nose clean - and for heaven's sake put on clean underwear. Or if you like - don't wear any at all.